In my previous blog post, I discussed at length the formation of the Bride of Christ-the church- and the role it plays in the eternal purpose of God. With that I laid the foundation to discuss a huge issue that has fully crept into the Body of Christ. I also discussed the concept of community and solidarity, particularly as it relates to race and racial idolatry. First, let me say that after publishing that, it led to an opportunity to engage in some great conversations with some of you. I already had plans to write this sequel to that post, and some of the conversations further solidified the necessity of further discussing certain aspects of that post. It goes without mention that you certainly would benefit from reading that post first before reading this one. In today’s post, I want to discuss community and solidarity in general (this time not in the context of race) in more detail.
I don’t know what it is, but once again here I find myself writing a blogpost about social media and approaching online relations from a biblical perspective. These are interesting times, to say the least, for the church in general, but especially with regards to this digital and virtual world we live in. There’s never been a time where the virtual world and the real world has been so intertwined as now. Thus the church finds herself facing challenges that though at the root level is nothing new, in its nuances and manifestation it’s certainly novel. Discernment has never been more valuable than now. I truly do believe that there is plenty to be said on this topic as we tread unchartered territories.
A NEW ERA
I was in high school when the era of social media dawned upon mankind in the forms of platforms such as myspace and hi5 et cetera. Prior to this, there was of course other ways of socializing via technology such as AIM, Yahoo Messenger and chat rooms of all sorts. But platforms such as myspace were revolutionary in that it offered users prime real estate on the worldwide web. You could have your very own online property in the form of a webpage where you could post everything and anything you desired to be known about you, plus an audience of your own choosing! What a time it was to be alive! In the summer after high school graduation, I found out about the newest social media platform at the time- FACEBOOK! At the time it was literally like myspace on steroids, but that’s not what made it most attractive; at least not to me. At the time, it was attractive because it was exclusive- it was open to college students- and it felt almost like a kind of weird rite of passage. At the time, it was introduced as a way to connect with people that you knew in real life, especially those that distance of any sort had separated you from. Moreover, it was publicized as a network to connect with other people from your college (and later from other colleges.)
Well, if you’re much younger than I am, some of this is perhaps news to you but I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you how much things have changed and evolved since. Today, social media has gone from an online platform to connect with those we already know in real life, to an online platform to form relationships with people we don’t know in real life, all the while ignoring those that we actually know. Again, what a time to be alive! As the times have changed, and technology continually improves, so have these social media rapidly evolved; and their very purpose though outwardly similar, have drastically changed from what they started as. But here’s the catch- it is not the social media in and of itself that changed. It is how it is used that changed and as those changes take place, the creators of these media keep modifying the platforms to meet the perceived desires of consumers. I think this point is important to emphasize because we tend to have a victim mentality of social media. In recent times, there’s been increasingly this attitude of social media responsible for causing us detriment, as though the social media platform on its own was a living being, rather than a utility. Coupled with that attitude, is the complete cede of any responsibility the user has in being discerning about WHAT they choose to be exposed to, as well as HOW to process what they see. So that in recent years, it is not uncommon to hear complaints about how people who only post highlights of their lives online are disingenuous and thus responsible for the despair of social media consumers who deem their lives lacking in any ways.
As these sentiments have increased, there’s been a new wave of social media consumerism, as people who are fed up by the apparent “fake” people on social media platforms have sought to counter it by showing their real lives online. The biggest compliment one can receive online these days seems to be to be referred to as “REAL” online. In a prior blogpost “HOW REAL CAN YOU GET”, I discuss this phenomenon and the importance of using discernment and discretion online as believers. Today my focus isn’t so much on this obsession with finding real life online, as it is on how that unhealthy obsession is leading us to avoid and even hate the complexities of real life relations because we’ve been spoiled by easy superficial online relationships. Before I proceed, there are a few questions I would love for you to ponder over, some of which I may touch on in this post.
QUESTIONS TO PONDER
1. WHAT IS SOCIAL MEDIA? What is its purpose? I’m afraid most people are looking for social media to be for them something more than it should be, honestly. So it may be time to pull back and answer this for yourself.
2. Why do we look to social media for the realness and solidarity that we crave?
3. Should we seek “community” online? I mean from a Christian perspective, of course. Do note that the question is specifically about seeking community, not seeking relationships.
THE NEED TO BELONG
If there’s one reality that social media has made blatantly clear, it is that we fundamentally have a need to belong. I believe that God made us this way in cooperation with his eternal purpose. Deep inside all of us is this need to feel that we belong. For the believer, it is essential that we understand and accept that we first belong to God, and by virtue of being His, we belong also to all who belong to Him. Obviously there’s other ways we belong such as to our families. The good news is that we all do belong somewhere (albeit we may not feel that way); the bad news is that we often desire belonging where we don’t actually belong.
For the believer, our reality is that we are not of this world. We belong to a kingdom that is not of this world. Jesus said, “My kingdom is not of this world.” (John 18:36) Again we read, “You are from below,” he told them, “I am from above. You are of this world; I am not of this world.” (John 8:23) This Jesus, whom you say you follow, identified as not of this world. Not only that, He says this of His disciples “they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world.” (John 17:16) Furthermore we read, “if you were of the world, the world would love you as its own. However, because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of it, the world hates you.”
Sadly, there are many professing Christians who are not content to belong to a kingdom that isn’t of this world. We want to be known as Christians, while also being of this world. Many professing Christians are so hellbent on being part of this world and reversing the reality of being a follower of Jesus that we would do anything to avoid the hatred of the world. So many of us cannot bear the thought of not being loved and wanted by this evil fleeting world, that we are willing to disobey and dishonor our Lord in a heartbeat. Please have mercy on us, Lord!
In Judges 2:2, we read “You are not to make a covenant with the inhabitants of this land. You are to tear down their altars. But you have not obeyed me. What is this you have done?” In my previous blogpost, I mentioned that just as the Israelites were to be set apart as partakers of the Old Covenant, so are we called to be set apart as partakers of the New Covenant. So many believers today are bending over backwards to form intimate relationships with people of this world, fueled by the ease, convenience and intrusiveness of social media.
People who belong to this world have set up all sorts of idols on the altars of their hearts. They have made themselves lord of their own hearts, they worship the god of ‘me’.They do what is right in their own eyes. Scripture tells us that “the word of God is living and effective and sharper than any double-edged sword, penetrating as far as the separation of soul and spirit, joints and marrow. It is able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart. No creature is hidden from him, but all things are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give an account.” (Hebrews 4:12-13) By merely sharing with them the truth of God’s word, it attacks these idols that have been set up in the depths of their hearts. In the book of Acts after Peter preaches the Gospel to the crowd, what happens? It says that “they were pierced to the heart and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles: “Brothers, what should we do?” (Acts 2:37)
LOVE IS NOT SELF-SEEKING
There is a reason why we are instructed to be set apart. There is a reason why we are told not to love the world or the things of this world. We are practically useless in our mission if we love the world and are craving acceptance by the world. We are deceived to think we can love the world while serving God. And the irony of it all is that we cannot actually love the world in the way it matters most by seeking to be accepted by them. We are NOT showing love to the world or anyone by intentionally compromising or withholding the truth in order to be accepted. Contrary to what the world would have us believe, that is self-seeking, not loving. True love does not rejoice in evil, it protects.
This is obviously not implying that we won’t have any association with the world or that we can’t show love to the world especially members of our family and household who aren’t believers. The point of this is to address the heart that desires and seeks to be accepted by the world. It is to address the one who isn’t willing to be hated by the world and thus compromises the orders of the King. It is for the one who wants to be in good standing with the world so much so that we refuse to speak the truth when necessary. And in the context of online relationships, it is for the one desperate for the likes and virtual thumbs of the multitude and will do almost anything for a following. It is for all of us in a sense because we all struggle with this in varying extents.
WHAT’S THE ISSUE WITH ONLINE COMMUNITIES?
To be clear, the point here is not to imply that it’s necessarily wrong to belong to an online community with believers or even unbelievers that you may share commonalities with. Rather, it is to warn against the desire to seek in such online communities fulfillment of deep-rooted needs that should only be satisfied in Christ, and His Body- the church. It is to warn against the snares that social media presents as we are constantly presented opportunities to be intimate with the world rather than set apart. It is to warn against the dangers of social media inasmuch as it promises to meet some of our deepest needs without us having to put in the grit and work that real life relationships require to thrive. It is to warn against the satisfaction we find in such online relationships and how the contentment with those online communities make us less willing to bear with the grievances in real life relationships, particularly in the Body of Christ.
In previous blogposts, I have discussed the aspect of intimacy with the world. I anticipate that I will talk more about that in future posts as necessary. Today, I choose to focus on the other two dangers mentioned above- the attitude of treating relationships as easily disposable and not worthy of difficult work; and the danger of preferring online communities over real life communities such as the local church.
ONLINE COMMUNITIES ARE EASY, REAL LIFE IS NOT
Our desire to belong coupled with the ease and convenience of social media has led to the satisfaction with online communities at the expense and at times even annihilation of real life communities. Truth is, whether we want to admit it or not, online “communities” and relationships are so much easier than real life ones; but they are also so much shallower than real life ones.
I believe one of the appeals of social media and online communities today is that it gives us a form of belonging and community without requiring of us the difficult emotional, mental and even physical work that offline relationships require. Slowly but surely we have been groomed to dislike anything that challenges us to be better. Think about these so-called online tribes for a second, how are they formed? Generally, you find a person you agree with or identify with in some manner, you make a celebrity out of them, then form a virtual community with other people who have that same celebrity in common. Or you find a group of people you have something in common with- usually worldly commonalites- then out of that group filter a subset of people who think alike and are mostly in agreement about all things. Occasionally, people may slip through the cracks who aren’t on the same page as everyone else, or who aren’t afraid to speak the truth to everyone else, and they are kicked out with the quickness of lightning. Whatever the case, the question is why do we love these online so-called tribes? And most importantly, why do people prefer these tribes over real life ones? Could it be because they don’t challenge you to kill the flesh? May I suggest that you are not challenged to take up your cross and die to yourself each day if everyone you’ve conveniently surrounded yourself with only claps for you and thumbs up whatever you say, whether you’re right or wrong?
ALWAYS RIGHT!
One of the scariest observations I have made in my time on social media is that no matter what you think or say, you will have someone who agrees with you or applaud you! If you’re thinking “girl, what?! That’s literally the best part about social media”, I implore you to think again. It is frightful because you could be dead wrong, and still have a bunch of people applauding you and agreeing with you and telling you how wonderful they find you. Christian friend, listen, you CANNOT make likes and comments online a benchmark of whether you’re right or wrong. Many are being applauded and thumbs up’ed all the way to hell, it’s scary! You cannot afford to replace using the Word of God as a mirror for your life with how many likes and comments you get. I digress though.
WHY SEEK REAL IN A VIRTUAL WORLD RATHER THAN IN REAL LIFE?
It’s mind-boggling when you stop to think about it, isn’t it? The search for real life everywhere except for in REAL LIFE. Why do we seek to see people’s real life in a virtual world and seek real community in a virtual space rather than in the real physical world we’re in? Is seeing all the ins and outs of someone’s life online really equivalent to doing life with someone? Is having discourses online really satisfying the deep feelings of loneliness that you may feel?
Once again, permit me to clarify that I’m in no way implying there’s anything wrong with using social media. I have a couple that I use but they serve very specific purposes to me. For one, I have a very curated list on my Instagram because I do share more of myself and my family life there. I keep a very strict list on who is allowed on my Instagram. For me it’s a supplemental way to keep in touch with those that I already know and am close to. There are a few exceptions for personal reasons. My personal Facebook is a bit less strict in that I’m more likely to accept acquaintances but again I’m mindful of what purpose my Facebook serves in my life. I say all this to say, I’m not implying that using social media is wrong or that we’re automatically seeking community just because we’re on there. The point is to be truthful with your own self regarding what purpose you want social media to serve in your life, and if it’s really satisfying that purpose or if you’re having to settle for superficial satisfaction.
ROSES HAVE THORNS
The beauty of real life relationships isn’t without the difficulty they come with. For one they require a lot more effort than moving our fingers. They often require moving our entire bodies. In fact, they often require our entire person. They often require a willingness to be uncomfortable. They often require vulnerability. They require us to be okay with being inconvenienced. They often require us to give of ourselves, to serve, to love, to give and receive help, to be needed and in need of. As if that’s not demanding enough, real life relationships and community present a unique challenge in that it isn’t a curated list of audience to fit our fleshly desires.
In our real life face to face relationships, we aren’t all clones of each other where your tribe thinks like you, believes just like you, acts like you, struggles with the same things you do. This is both the great thing as well as the terrible thing about real life relationships, depending how you see it. Now more than ever, we live in a time where most people hate to be challenged to be better, and would rather be told they are perfect just the way they are. People seem to have no appetite whatsoever for true self-improvement anymore. In fact self-improvement now refers to doing things that will elevate your worldly status and material possession, rather than denoting making changes that reflect a better character and general wellbeing. Self love is the end all be all, and apparently self love cannot be loving enough to want the best for the self, rather than just appease the emotions of self. But that’s a whole other conversation for another day.
Complacency is now heralded as a virtue. We want to be told that we are doing just fine, and that we are enough; but sometimes truth be told, we are not doing just fine, we need to do better. Our society teaches us to hate this, and that coupled with our flesh leads us to cry foul each time someone dares tell us that our ways can be improved. We love to be comfortable. Much of pain that people apparently experience from seeing people’s curated lives online isn’t necessarily because people aren’t being real if we’ll be honest with our selves. Most often the problem is us, and how we choose to perceive what it put out. We don’t like that feeling of being “less than”, that feeling of being not enough. But as Christians, we need to learn to embrace that because we are not enough but we belong to One who is enough. And knowing that we are not enough should challenge us to fall to our knees and run to him for help. I get it, I’m human too and I certainly understand the struggle with that grimy feeling when someone else has noticed I am with issues. But as much as the flesh hates this, we can’t afford to be so quick to run away from relationships. We have to remind ourselves of the truth and subject those feelings as well as “every thought captive to obey Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5)
I’m afraid there are some who are even afraid of convictions in their own heart and will try to find someone to make them them feel better when there’s a clear conviction that requires repentance and transformation. We cannot afford to be afraid or detest feeling convicted. It may not feel like so, but it is a gift we have as children of God. And it is precisely why we need people in our lives who aren’t just our yes-(wo)men. Let us not be so quick to try to band-aid a feeling of conviction, or feeling not enough or any other lack in who you are as a person. Do something about it. Run to the Lord with that feeling and have Him search your heart if there’s anything He’ll have you repent of or do differently. “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in every way as we are, yet without sin. Therefore, let us approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:15)
These online communities give us what we want, but rarely do they give us what we need. Moreover, because we are convinced we can be satisfied by those communities, we feel no need to toil for relationships offline. Let’s face it, with a multitude of options, laziness and complacency is almost inevitable. With a multitude of options, dismissiveness is almost inevitable. I mentioned earlier that fundamentally we all have this need to belong; and I believe when options are limited, we are more willing to work out relationships so we don’t end up alone. Social media and the online communities and relations it presents, offers us a plethora of humans literally at our finger tips. What’s more, it affords us the dangerous luxury of seeing every single one of those as disposable and easily dispensable. Whereas in real life we may not be have been so quick to remove someone from our lives, online with just the push of a button, we don’t have to deal with them.
I wish this was only the reality online, but sadly the same attitude has permeated our offline relations. Because we have no shortage of relation and belonging online, and because we have been groomed to see relationships as disposable, we are less likely to be willing to endure the hardships that come in real life relations. We are less likely to choose to be long suffering because why put ourselves through unnecessary suffering in bearing with one another when we can easily be satisfied online? This is worrisome especially because one such relationship that has been affected is certainly relations in the Body of Christ- particularly the local church. In a future blogpost, I hope to explore this topic more as well as make the case for the significance of the local church body.
I’ll conclude today’s post by urging us all to go back to the old ways of pouring ourselves into real life relationships. I especially want to encourage you to invest into first finding a biblically sound, healthy church, if you’re not already committed to one. Then subsequently invest in forming relationships and finding community there. We can certainly use some of this energy we pour into seeking online tribes and communities to seek out ways to accomplish the same in the local Body of Christ. For ideas on how to start, read my post, BUILDING STRONG OFFLINE RELATIONS USING A SOCIAL MEDIA TEMPLATE.
“Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? And what agreement does the temple of God have with idols? For we are the temple of the living God, as God said: I will dwell and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people. Therefore, come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord; do not touch any unclean thing, and I will welcome you. And I will be a Father to you, and you will be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.” (2 Corinthians 6:15-18)
In His Love & Light,
Ivy